Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 December
2004 November
2004 August
2004 July
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
My Links
THE NEW B.E.H. COME SEE IT RIGHT NOW!!!!
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
....
....
....
Blogarama
Review My Site
|
| Why the hell do I go to public school? |
| 04.30.04 (2:54 pm) [edit] |
[b]Why the hell do I go to public school?[/b]
*Note* behindenemyheadlines.com has a cool spiffy pic for this post*
I got this paper, from a teacher. One of the students got angry; she couldn’t take our mockery anymore! So she wrote a paper proving she knew what politics was all about. So she decided to write this paper, I’ll let you my reader decide the fate of her…and public schools.
Side Not: To Firestarter and other spelling pinkos, the spelling has not been modified from it’s original content. The only spelling change is my name, and Eugene’s because we can do that.
Cast:
Jayme- Cocky High school political kid
Eugene- Cocky High school political kid’s trusty sidekick
Kessler- Cocky High school political kid’s assistant
Mr. P – Teacher
The writer of this letter shall remain anonymous:
“Every since I asked a simple question like whats a rebublican every body has been making fun of me. So for the past week Mr. P told me to go internet and find the definition of rebublican and democrat. So I did a rebublican is someone having the supreme power lying in the body of citizens entitiled to vote for officers and representatives responsible to them or characteristics of such government. Whatever that means. And a Democrat is one who is an adherent or advocate of democracy. So their you go Mr. P, Kessler, Jayme and Eugene. You can’t make fun of me anymore.”
Tune in again for another episode of “Why the hell do I go to public school?”
|
|
|
| |
| The Obsessive Compulsive |
| 04.29.04 (2:21 pm) [edit] |
[b]The Obsessive Compulsive [/b]
Turned on the TV to find some inspiration for today’s article, who knew it would come in such an odd shaped package. So anyway the O.C. comes on, and you ask how I knew it came on. Simple! I heard the theme song, the super annoying theme song. I started to groan then my friend asked me, “Dude what’s wrong with the O.C.?” O, nothing is wrong with a show that portrays everyone in California as a rich white 21-year-old virgin. So I sit there watching wondering to myself if this is what California is really like, if so I admit I am from Florida (did I say that out loud?). Anyway on last nights episode two whiteys walk into a poker match and win…wow. Also on the episode we find out that someone is pregnant, but it’s Theresa and we all know she is the girl next-door. (Wow I know too much about this show..). I realize something; the whole pregnancy thing isn’t going to work well. Friends was on for like 8 seasons and it wasn’t until the 7th one that something like that happened. I see the end of The O.C. very soon. Then they two guys find out the girl that they have been hanging out with was a prostitute. But she went to the University of Las Vegas…how interesting. Then we go to a commercial where we a have a queer guy on a Pier One commercial, that’s what I call queer one at Pier One! Now where back where girl and soon to be step-mom are fighting and there is a firefighter stripper in the back. (Not turning me on.) Ok, the whiteys are back and playing poker ok, and they win again…DIABOLICLE!! Now where back to the pregnancy thing, and we find out that it may involve two guys. This show may bring back Montel William’s career. We end this show with a final thought: If you are rich, white, and live in California you can do anything, even payoff prostitutes by playing poker with a bunch of mobsters.
One last thought: I noticed on The O.C. they had no black people. They may want to do something about that seeing that Elton John is on a rampage about Fox shows. Thanks and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Hi I'm Jayme Selman, here with another episode of "Now you get it!"
I mentioned or refered to a word "whitey" which is also known as "cracker". These are slangs for a person of white decent. There are many books you can check out that describe the details further like
Stupid White man (not recommended by Jayme)
also for supreme whiteness check out Martha Stewart living weekdays on that one channel. You can find a good definition [url=http://www.cogsci.princeton.e...]here[/url]
This has been Jayme Selman with: "Now you get it!"
|
|
|
| |
| Still Billy Joel to me |
| 04.29.04 (9:29 am) [edit] |
|
I feel the need to adress the story in which Bill Joel was driving Sunday and crashed into a house, in Long Island. To let you all know Billy has had 3 car wrecks within the last 2 years since going to rehab and cleaning up his act. So don't say that Bush is the only person that could get us all killed since they stopped driking!
|
|
|
| |
| ....... |
| 04.28.04 (9:30 am) [edit] |
|
The Queen Mary 2 set sail across The North Atlantic last week. During the voyage the boat was hit by a 70 ft wave which knocked everyone onboard to the floor. This created my new theory: It's not just the democrats that knock the rich..even God does.
|
|
|
| |
| Paris and Phil |
| 04.27.04 (5:01 pm) [edit] |
Ok...this is great. Now I know that Paris's Boyfriend made a movie and all but how do you explain this?
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
Paris and Phil?
Actually accoring to VH1 Red light district video now has the right to make a 45 min video called "one night in Paris". I would have to say that it was probably more then one night but whatever. < Coming June 15. So for those of you thinking you can buy a porn with Phil collins...sorry. But you can get the phil collins c.d. >[url=http://www.vh1.com/artists/az...]here[/url]
|
|
|
| |
| CAMPAIGN CHAOS PART 1 |
| 04.27.04 (3:00 pm) [edit] |
CAMPAIGN CHAOS PART 1
“Mr. President, the Kerry administration is really advancing in the latest technology, we must do something.” “In the last week Mr. Kerry has made phone calls to almost everyone in America (just Florida) asking for support.” “So what do we do?” asked the president in that stoned out tone. “Well we do something, something never thought of. We must make phone calls to almost everyone in America (just Florida) asking for support!” said Ken Mehlman (the campaign manager) like it hit him in the head. “It’s genius, so unique!” exclaimed the president. “The first person we need to talk to is Santa Claus, he knows about reaching all those people in one night! Let me tell you it’s going to be really hard to call and talk to all of America (Florida) in one night”
‘Bush what the hell are you talking about?” shouted Rumsfeld as he came out of God knows where. “First of all you don’t call people yourself Bush, a recorded message does it for you, second of all Santa Claus doesn’t….welp forget that part.” “O” said Bush “How does Kerry make all those calls then?” “Because Kerry is good…o yeaa..he’s real good.” Said the voice of Rumsfeld who disappeared back to God knows where.
Then Melhman rushed back into the room “All right Mr. President first things are first, let’s record that message, just read the script” “3…2….1…action!”
“Hi! I’m George W. Bush and I approved this message.”
“CUT!” “Mr. President we told you not to say that already! Lets take it from the top…. And… ACTION!”
“Wait where did Bush go?” yelled Melhman.
*Melham rushed in to find Bush playing Mario Kart. *
“Forget it Mr. President, your useless, we’ll just have that Will Farrell guy from Saturday Night Live impersonate your voice, he sounds more like you anyway.”
*Another campaign volunteer by the name of Scott walked in. Scott has blonde spiky hair and he was strait out of college, a college mommy and daddy paid for. Scott came in with a cocky face and a great idea…well he thought it was anyway. “Mr. President..”
“Yes Scott, see I take time to learn people’s name.” “Mr. President you wrote my name on your hand.” “O, well what did you want.” “Mr. President I wanted to address you with a new idea. See I have compiled a list of numbers of businesses to call, just call them up and ask for support.” “I think I can handle this one” said Bush.
*Bush was about to call Wal-Mart when all of a sudden the phone rang*
“Hello, This is Former president Bill Clinton.” “O hey Bill” “Say George I heard you are calling businesses to get support”
“Hey neat, how did you know?”
“O well it was simple I watched that Watergate mini series on ABC, anyway I have some great numbers for you to calL KIKE 1800 235 - 5467( not actual porn number in real life)..”
“That’s a porn number” said Bush
“Welp gotta go, see ya later George.”
Later Mrs. Bush comes in to see how George was doing
“Yea hello is this Publix…this is the President. Yea…say do you have Prince Albert in a can…” “George what the hell are you doing?” asked Laura.
“Hey, I’ll call you back.” Said Bush. “I was just making some calls for the campaign.”
“O, I see, say George go play Mario Kart, I’m sure Melhman. Will take care of this for you.”
“Laura I love Melhman. But I don’t think he is doing that good of a job, I am going to have to fire him!”
[u][b]……TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK!…….[/b][/u]
|
|
|
| |
| Monday Monologue |
| 04.26.04 (2:55 pm) [edit] |
[b]Monday Monologue[/b]
I watched the new Brittney Spears video and boy was a drawn to tears. I think I feel what Brittney is trying to tell us; it’s hard being a celebrity. It must be hard having the paparazzi following you around everywhere. Man I couldn’t take having all that money. The whole “suicide video” thing really lost me though. At first I thought that it was blood coming from her hair but I think was her new hair conditioner..I’m not sure. I really got confused, how did she die? I have a theory that maybe she was thinking too hard. In the end of the video we find out that we just got punk’d, everything turns out ok.
[b]Recap[/b]: my recap of the video is this: I enjoyed it. I especially enjoyed the part where Brittney and Steven Dorf throw stuff in the hotel. I think Steven has a hatred for boxes and inanimate objects…and his shirt.
[b]Movie review: 13 going on 30[/b]
I didn’t honestly see it yet, but I wanted to make a few side notes. 13 going on 30 is kind of like “Big” with Tom hanks…but now Tom hanks is Jennifer Gardner. I felt bad because I was seeing the previews for it and I said, “Wow…look at Jen.” But then I thought, “Wait, she is 13.” I’m so confused!!!!
[b]Prince[/b]
My teacher Ms. Butler went to go see Prince, God knows why. Anyway she told me that Prince has changed, he’s not playing some of his old music and he is not the same old Prince.. This kind of disappoints me. I mean I like the new Prince but I want the old one back. Then again maybe I’m just like my father he never was satisfied.
|
|
|
| |
| Kerry Kapers |
| 04.22.04 (4:42 pm) [edit] |
Kerry Kapers
Twas another Wednesday, I sat at home watching the news…wait never mind that’s not even true I never watch the news really I am just a flaming conservative that makes shit up. Fine let’s start over…ahem… Twas a normal Wednesday, I sat home doing the many things I do on Wednesday, watching Quentin Tarantino movies, whittling, and drinking diet soda. (Copyright infringement.) All of a sudden I got a phone call so horrid, so wretched so miserable I ….just couldn’t take it. “Hello” “Yea Mr. Selman your dry cleaning is ready!” Wait wrong phone call. “Hello, I’m John Kerry…I supported this phone call, I would like you to support me in the race against Bush.” Damn, they always call me during Quentin Tarantino night. Actually my first impression was shocked, I mean I had just been told that my dry cleaning was ready, which was extremely fast then John Kerry calls my house. I bet all the liberals where so amazed and excited to here their leader, “O my God John Kerry personally called my house!!!! I feel so special, thank God I am a democrat!” Yea I thought it was Kerry actually talking to until I heard press 3 to here this in Spanish in then I heard Kerry speaking Spanish. Then the liberals said, “O my God Kerry speaks Spanish too, he’ s so diverse and dreamy, and sexy!” Well maybe they wouldn’t go that far but you never know. Anyway I wondered why my caller blocker thing didn’t block Kerry? Whatever. So anyway Kerry’s goon volunteers asked me, “Would you like to donate to Kerry?” And of course I told her to go to hell. So anyone else get harassed by Kerry lately?
By the way I am going to Jacksonville tommorrow for a poetry contest I might be back Saturday and you may get a new post tommorrow....if lucky.
[LINE]
|
|
|
| |
| Monday Monologue |
| 04.19.04 (2:24 pm) [edit] |
Hey all welp I saw the punisher trailer "It's not revenge...it's punishment. To be honest with you..sitting through spiderman 2..now that's punishment!
I enjoyed The Apprentice, don't know if you guys did. Now I understand that some people think there was alot of romance between certain people like Troy and quamie(however the hell you spell it). Amy and Nick. But the ones who had the biggest Infatuation had to be Donald and his ego.
Reports show that Jackson has been giving back alot to kids lately. I think he feels bad about something...
....like the invincible album.
And for those of you who are not in the "know" I am feeling bad right now, so I make cheap shots at people. My heart was brokin. But as you can see in this pic I am doing ok since the heartbreaking:
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
|
|
|
| |
| My ted kennedy letter |
| 04.16.04 (2:12 pm) [edit] |
Befor the letter I want everyone to know we have moved to behindenemyheadlines.com....what the F**k are you waiting for? Ok also I am getting my first interview with [url=http://jenlars.mu.nu/]Jen/[/url] who will be taking your anonymous questions here:
jenlars@hotmail.com
So you no one else gets offended :
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
You may still get offended but whatever.
now the letter
Dear Mr. Kennedy,
It is a real honor to write to you Ted, or Mr. Kennedy, or Senator Edward. What do you go by now? How about “Cadillac Eddie”? I am praying and hoping that you won’t overlook this letter when checking your email. We all know your reading comprehension level is a little lower than the temperature in this room. Even at 60° I am still sweating as I type ferociously pounding on the keys. Tic...tac..tac..tac.tac. Can you hear that Ted? That's the sound of me typing you a beautiful letter. So, anyway if you have actually opened this email then give yourself a cookie. Now read the rest in a deep and cautious voice, as to pronounce every word properly. Mr. Kennedy you are screwing America over with your garbage talk and your blasphemy. You're in the car, Mr. Kennedy, and you're trying to intimidate the driver. I have come to find out that if we follow your plans, America will drive itself off the road. The main thing that urged me to write this letter, well: 25% anger, another 25% spare time, well maybe 26%, and the rest goes to your piece on MSNBC last week.
The comparison of Iraq and Vietnam baffled me. How does one come to this conclusion without using heavy drugs? Let me tell you something buddy, Rush did more drugs and still made more sense than you do. I only see a few comparisons, like in both wars your hippie, tree hugging, granola eating, environmental Honda driving, college campus raiding friends were quick to protest and whine. While the real heroes are out defending our country, you are criticizing and stirring your pot of clam chowder....I mean your pot of trouble. Now if it’s letters you are looking for, both Iraq and Vietnam have a set of a’s and I’s. But I think Sesame Street discovered that first. And the last thing I can find that may make Vietnam and Iraq slightly related is the fact that in both wars Kerry agreed and then disagreed with the operations taking place.
I find it funny how you love to make fun of Bush and find dirt on him. Darn Ted, it’s just too bad we can’t get any dirt on you or anyone in your family. But who is really destroying our country Mr. Kennedy? The proof is in the chowder Mr. Kennedy. I see how you treat your own state! What’s the name of your state again? Chappachusettes? Maybe it’s Massaquita. But let’s get off of that, I really want to know where you get your accusations? “Bush is Hitler, Iraq is Bush’s Vietnam.” Why are you guys so whiny about what other people are risking their life for? Let’s not forget that these people signed up! So lets stop the whole “make love not war” thing, in fact here’s one that suits you better “Give hugs not drugs.” It seems like your whole idea is to compare everything in the Bush administration to Vietnam, why would you do that? Simple! By comparing Iraq to Vietnam you make people flashback and remember the horrible event. Iraq is nothing like Vietnam. The idea of comparing horrific events with other events that could never compare is genius, if, and only if you are trying to get our country stuck in fear forever. It almost seems like you don’t want America to succeed. One would think America would get pretty bummed being shown the total deaths in the paper everyday. I mean come on, don’t you think you are exaggerating a little? Though it is sad, the fact is two men may die in one day in Iraq, while 117 people die each day in auto wrecks. What gets more coverage? Hmm...I wonder why?
But after watching you on MSNBC five times, by the way I love watching you on T.V. It’s hilarious, like when you where at the State of the Union and you looked liked you where having an epileptic seizure. Anyway after watching you on MSNBC five times,(five because my remote broke and I was too lazy to turn the channel, we all know how MSNBC replays things over and over) I wondered why you hate Bush so much? Why are you always on his case? Why must you harass him.(Yes harass is one word.) I've always thought you guys had a lot in common. I've always pictured you guys as really good friends. Like Dukes of Hazard, you're driving down the dirt road recklessly and Bush in the shot gun drinking whiskey with a rebel flag flying from the back of your Cadillac. “Just some good ol’ boys...” Sorry I got off the subject. Anyway I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico, I bet you still can’t get insured. The bad news is that Bush will definitely win this election again. See Mr. Kennedy people realize that freedom isn’t free. When walking into the VA hospital there is a sign reading “This is the Price for Freedom.” It seems like such a waste we that we are fighting for you.
Fighting for freedom so that Ted Kennedy can make ridiculous statements. Mr. Kennedy when my nation calls I will answer. But I will make sure I read the papers before I sign them. I have a mission Mr. Kennedy, to protect my country. Unfortunately even some people in this country are threats, the enemy within. I believe you are one. Let me tell you that this is not your place to meddle, nor is it that of the media, or the hippies. You guys do what you do best. Lie, sing songs to trees outside of Harvard and pass out “Vote for Nadir” posters. Go drink and drive yourself off a bridge, but don’t get behind the wheel of America. Handover the keys Mr. Kennedy, you are to “Ehh....uh...intoxicated.” Let it be known that the end of your power siege will come quickly when America regains its strength. You have shown that you will put others in danger to get what you want. You sir are a leech, sucking off what is given to you. Mr. Kennedy, leeching off others didn’t work in Harvard(surprisingly) and it won’t in America, period(not surprisingly). You've been able to cover almost everything else up, but I guess the real person will always shines through.
By now most, but not all Americans have realized that you are a just a hot headed liberal with a big mouth. Mr. Kennedy you do have followers, the poor scared Americans whom are told Iraq is just another Vietnam, and fear that America will fail once again. I honestly know more than ever your motives. But, how far are you willing to go? World domination perhaps, maybe the presidency, or just pulling of that “Bad Boy” look. Well you're going to have to fight Hillary Clinton for the world domination thing, if you want to be president, Iraq is forming a new government soon, but if you want that “Bad Boy” look then go to P.diddy. Besides Ted, isn’t it obvious that Kerry is just using you, he has other men in his life. Why we are on the subject: E-harmony has some great selections in case you’re feeling lonely. This would be good for you, this way no one gets hurt. But you could always e -drown them.
Mr. Kennedy, I question your motives quite often : “ This issue is as clear as any issue ever gets. You’re either for nuclear war or you're not.” Mr., Kennedy, I am for my country, I am for the defense of this country. What are you for? Are you with America or not? I ask that you think about things before blurting them out. Instead of turning your back on us, support our troops, and our president. As Bush once said, “Either you’re with us or you're against us.” What's your choice Ted? In the end the enemy within will be taken out, boy would I hate to be on that side. I ask you to applaud our troops, not bring them down. They are saving your butt Kennedy (sadly.) It’s outrageous for you to call this war and all this work a “fraud”. If not listen to me Ted, then listen to your son: “If he didn’t have the weapons then how come he gassed all his people with them?” Mr. Kennedy, your plan to enslave and make the American people fearful of another Vietnam failure will not work, we have to many real Americans, looks like the scene may be getting ugly for you very soon. But fear not Ted, it is not too late to change your political thought process, Kerry does it three times a week. Wake up Ted, wake up to reality.
Regards,
Jayme Selman
behindenemyheadlines.com
|
|
|
| |
| Change it now! |
| 04.08.04 (9:33 am) [edit] |
Calling upon everyone with a link to beh to upgrade.
behindenemyheadlines.com...do it now!
in other news my letter to ted kennedy continues....cadillac eddie will be brought down.....my letter is so good my own mother said i need help, but she laughed.
later
|
|
|
| |
| Grand opening |
| 04.04.04 (6:38 am) [edit] |
Grand opening today at [url=www.behindenemyheadlines.com]behindenemyheadlines.com[/url]
We may be having some problems but just stay with us.
Anyway thanks to rocky and the crew for making this a sucessful blog and a great idea. I probably wouldn't of had to courage to go to a .com if it wasn't for the great feedback you all bring. Redtigress will be joining me at the new site as an author so I hope to see you all there.
|
|
|
| |
| Bobby brown and behindenemyheadlines.com |
| 04.03.04 (2:47 pm) [edit] |
Welp I had to give it to him. Bobby brown is trying to sell a reality show based on his life, with witney. I think whitney's last album told me enough. Anyway the two are planned to come out with the show soon. What would it be like?
MTV True Life: I'm addicted to crack
Band reunited: Bobby brown and the ...does he have a band?
MTV Cribs: "Now these here are my gold records, wait that one is whitneys, so is that one, wait they are all hers."
Cops, well they could guest star.
Life Time(some abusive husband story, thats how all the movies are anyway.)
Where are they now? Whitney and Bobby.
You decide..by the way tommorrow is reggae fest so I will not be here.
By the way GO TO BEHINDENEMYHEADLINES.COM
|
|
|
| |
| Some news. |
| 04.02.04 (1:19 pm) [edit] |
Chinese man aims to beat Blaine's starvation record
A Chinese man is aiming to beat David Blaine's starvation record by spending 49 days in a glass box without food.
Meanwhile kids in africa have already done this.
A 17-year-old high school student from upstate New York faces up to a year in jail for threatening to kill President Bush and attack the White House.
[i]You don't say?[/i]
"I'm going to blow up the White House and Kill you and your family," The teen admitted he wrote in an e-mail message. "You're a stupid peace [sic] of [excrement] and deserve to Die!!!"
[i]The teen boy has been announced to be...wait what? Michael Moore? [/i]
Police reports indicate Fellows wrote the message to "get back" at a fellow student following a dispute with her last November.
[i]Everytime we get pissed we have to say "Yea well, I'm going to kill bush."?[/i]
"This thing has been blown way out of proportion," Fellows' attorney told the Oswego Daily News. "There was a female involved here. There was no genuine threat here."
[i]He also said, if the glove doesn't fit then he's innocent. Notice "there was a female involved." Damn right, Laura Bush could of been killed!!![/i]
"Mr. Fellows is an honor student and he made an unfortunate mistake," Pagano told the Daily News. "
Which was, taking advice from a liberal, or listining to those darn chixie dick's C.D.s
Also in the news Ralph Nadir has admitted that, he was only pulling a April fools joke on everyone when he said he was running for president.
And finnaly news papers all over where shocked as much as we where when the terrifying pictures where put in the post. For educational means I will show them once more:
Warning- this may be unsuitable for some viewers!
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH.
Welp thanks and have a spiffy one. By the way behindenemyheadlines.com is up!. The grand opening may be next week, with spiffy prizes and what not.
Later.
|
|
|
| |
|
Jayme Selman(thats me)
What Sam Adams said about Rasta:
"You win the Award for the Best Wit on Tblog ..."
Jayme is an accomplished asshole as well as the writer of behind enemy headlines and producer of "Affirmative Anger"
AND THE CRITICS SAY:
"This is seriously @#$%*& UP, have you considered therapy? "
-LILPOETGIRL
"Your stories are a trip! Who knew politics could be so entertaining?"
-OoLostEntity
Rasta ... what can i say, you're simply talented beyond words!
Keep up the great work !
- progressive
Rasta you have a very creative mind which is cool i hate all cut and paste post's.......your are far from that
I'm never let down by the humor of your blog... thats a compliment lol.
Trama! I was laughing at this! In the sick way that I laugh at SouthPark because it is sooo WRONG but SOOOO funny!! Kara
Perfect. Cant imagine anything better or funnier. I swear I sit hear with my laptop computer just reading along and suddenly laughing out loud, getting strange looks from my family and pets! Much needed stress reliever. I can picture Shrub, Condie and Rummie really saying this stuff. It is so weird, and so are they!!! Next stop.... send it to The Onion! http://www.theonion.com/
People I like:
|
