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| Al Franken radio?!##@$ |
| 03.30.04 (4:44 pm) [edit] |
Welp [url=http://www.airamericaradio.co...]Air America[/url] will be airing tommorrow. Liberals finnaly have a [url=http://www.ajc.com/news/conte...]voice [/url] in the media. And the Jews are still waiting for theirs. By the way if you where the lazy to go to the link above I will mention that Al franken is the hitler of this operation. Damn I sound so anti-semitic today.(becuase I am really pissed at a lot of things.) What's the emoticon to indicate ironic parody of anti - semitism, not the real thing?
Continuing Al franken is the man of this operation. If a liberal commentator performs on talk radio and nobody listens, does he really make a sound? For those of you not knowing Al Franken he is a smartass liberal, end of sentence. Franken offers himself as the " antidote to Rush Limbaugh" Even though he also drinks, and is still a virigin who adopted kids from bulvaria(may not be an actual country). "In a country evenly divided politically, talk radio is not." Good way of putting it, or come to your senses that liberal media will never work, ever....never....never. "We're going to call them on what they say," Franken said during a phone interview after a recent practice run in New York. "It's jujitsu. We take what they say and hold them up to scorn and ridicule. That's what I do." You also piss people off. In contrast, Limbaugh is on hundreds of mainstream stations nationwide. I mean Franken offers himself as the antidote, so thats means he has no money. It will be a slow build. Michael Harrison, editor of Talkers magazine, a trade publication, estimates that Air America should be happy to hit 1 million listeners a week in its first year. I guess we have that many dumbasses in this country. Some more important post tommorrow.
brought to you by : [url=http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/art...]These guys[/url]
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| Sign up on my forum! |
| 03.29.04 (2:22 pm) [edit] |
Go sign up for the new B.E.H forum!!!!!!!!!!
sign up now: BEHIND ENEMY HEADLINES
A random pic: ![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
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| Top of the Muffin to you! |
| 03.28.04 (7:36 am) [edit] |
I was reading MSNBC.com yesterday when I saw this article about how generation X is becoming extremely overweight. I figured I should lend a helping hand. Here is a little piece for overeaters from all generations, not just generation XL. Because I learned something over the week, being fat brings America together. Here is a piece I call:
Top of the Muffin to you!
By - Jayme..a.k.a. - Rasta
“A cookies just a cookie, but a muffin gets a whole article on B.E.H.”
America, land of the free piece of cake when you buy a coffee at Starbucks, and home of the brave men and women who work at these wonderful shops. Surveys show that the average American will eat some type of pastry for breakfast, accompanied by a cup of coffee of course. The pastry is slightly bad for you, however the coffee is fine, figuring that coffee growers are being scammed by the big corporations like Folders. Keep drinking! Anyway lets get back on track, now statistics show that a muffin is the quickest form of breakfast for the average New Yorker.....err I mean average American. Now I know what you are thinking, “ muffins are high in..a lot of stuff.” The truth is you probably weren’t thinking that, but just go with it. Also, most people don’t really eat a whole muffin, so why pay the full price? Everyone knows the best part of the muffin is the top; see where I am going yet? My idea would then be the make a muffin and off the bottom. See I will open up a store selling just muffin tops, and coffee from third world countries. And you will be forced to buy them. Now you may be asking yourself, “ Why the hell am I reading this?”…Actually you should be asking yourself, “ How does this idea make me loose weight?” Simple. By eating less you gain less of the bad stuff and some how get more of the good stuff, somehow. “How does this process work?” It’s the same way that McDonald’s salads are good for you, we don’t know how it works but it does, or should.
So anyway, the muffin top corporation will sell you “the average man or women” a muffin top and give the stud to them “The hippies or homeless people of California.” Perfect plan huh? Well not according to my step-dad. He ponders the question, “Why make a whole muffin and then just sell the top? Why not just make the top of the muffin.”
My dear step-dad, what makes a muffin top is the fact that it was attached to the bottom of the muffin, thus making it a muffin top. Remember, a cookies just a cookie but a Newton…….well never mind that. Now that we cleared that up, let me tell you that this idea is not going to work for everything. For example: broccoli, you can just eat the head.
If this plan fails to make you loose weight, contact Dr. Phil immediately.
Remember, eat less and gain less.
*Brought to you by Alley Mcbeal. *
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| Welcome back eh....Rasta |
| 03.27.04 (10:15 am) [edit] |
Tired, just got back from an exciting spring break. I saw Bush's little girl in the clubs, I'll explain later. Phil from ohio wants me to do something, I need to read the email again and then do it. But today is make fun of Ted Kennedy day so I have compossed a little list:
Only Kennedy that never had sex with Marilyn Monroe.
Sometimes hard to tell if he is having an epileptic seizure or just disagreeing with you.
Can’t save a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico because even they won’t insure him.
Likes to find dirt on Bush, unfortunately we can’t seem to find anything on his family
Donated his last car to the coral reef community center and marina…”Yea, that’s the story.”
Makes drinking look un-cool.
Already has a movie made about him: “Bill and Ted’s bogus adventure.”
Still doesn’t know that harass is one word.
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
I have also read on msnbc.com :
[i]Generation XL
Teens struggle to keep pounds off[/i]
This is crazy, and will be adressed tommorrow, read it or die!!!!
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| Bush speech |
| 03.20.04 (7:40 am) [edit] |
Welp I have some "Bush notes" from last night:
WASHINGTON - President Bush said on Saturday, one year after invading Iraq, that ensuring the country’s future was a "global responsibility" and pledged to do whatever it takes to defeat militants attacking occupation forces and Iraqis
[i]A global responsibility for just America.[/i]
“Helping Iraq emerge as a free nation is a global responsibility, and the nations of the world are meeting their responsibilities,” Bush said.
[i]Except France...aherm....cough[/i]
“The resolve of our coalition is firm. We will never turn over Iraq to terrorists who intend our own destruction,” Bush said in his weekly radio address. “Whatever it takes, we will fight and work to assure the success of freedom in Iraq.”
[i]We? who? [/i]
Bush has also urged Poland not to waver in its commitment to Iraq after President Aleksander Kwasniewski said authorities had been "misled" about weapons of mass destruction. No such weapons have been found since U.S.-led forces deposed Saddam Hussein in April 2003.
[i]He continued to say, " We are deciding wether we made the whole weapons thing up or if we paid someone." Then he asked for some polish shishkabobs."[/i]
Have a good spring Break everyone. [url=http://www.imao.us]Frank J's site[/url]
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| Spring Break... |
| 03.19.04 (5:09 pm) [edit] |
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Folks I am going to be gone for a week starting Sunday, I will come back with a new blog, and online book, and cloths. (Besides the ones I bring on my trip.) Make sure to show mommy and daddy exactly why they pay for your college intuition. Remember have a lot of fun and do drugs, you wouldn’t be American other wise. Hopefully you won’t see Bush in a bar, Jeb, George or the daughters. I may post a new great spiffy article tomorrow .If not then too bad, not like you care. Hasta La vista.
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| The Martyr-Gun™! |
| 03.19.04 (11:53 am) [edit] |
I noticed this on [url=http://www.imao.us]Frank J's site[/url] , and had to use it. Plus everytime I use Frank's name the stats just skyrocket. here it is:
New From IMAO - The Martyr-Gun™!
Want to kill yourself and Israelis but bombs are just too complicated?
Thought of going on a shooting spree, but worried you won't get gunned down in the process, thus missing martyrdom and your 72 virgins?
Don't take the risk of not getting killed. You need the IMAO Martyr-Gun™.
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
Yes, direct marketed from IMAO to Palestinians is the gun to made specifically for the martyr. Its smooth, quadruple-action trigger fires a bullet at both you are your target, ensuring quick and easy martyrdom at the twitch of a finger.
But that's not all! Order the Martyr-Gun™ now and get a 73rd virgin in paradise for free! Think of how jealous all the other martyrs will be when they see you sporting one more virgin than the rest of them.
So get your Martyr-Gun™; not dying is a risk you just can't take.
Due to a design flaw not allowing the slide to move, the Martyr-Gun™ tends to explode when fired and thus is guaranteed for only one use. If the Martyr-Gun™ fails to kill you, return all its remnants to IMAO for a full refund. IMAO and its subsidiaries (of which there are none) are not responsible if your religious views are crock and you are actually sent to hell upon death.
Thanks to Frank J. for giving my readers something to laugh about...it's been so long for them.
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| Rasta gets replaced? |
| 03.19.04 (10:47 am) [edit] |
We have a new satire blog on the network, I wondered where all my readers went. Useful idiot is after my job. Maybe you can decide if Useful is really as good as the critics say, wait you are the critics...dammit. Here is his latest post, keep in mind there where links but Rasta is too lazy:
Bush Memo to Dick Cheney: Tell John McCain to Shut-up!!!
Thursday 03.18.04 [11:46 pm]
To: Dick Cheney, Veep-and-Nasty-Guy (Makes Me, Numero Uno, Look Nice!)
From: Dubya, Numero Uno (Smarter Than I Look: They MisUnderEstimate Me!)
Subject: Tell John McCain to Shut-up!!!
Dick, will you and Condi go do a "strong-arm" on John McCain and remind him that if he wants to remain in the G.O.P. (and if he wants to continue living): then he had better shut-up!!!
Firstly, McCain really wants his intelligence committee on the Iraq WMDs "intelligence failures" to really ask real questions, even of Me, Numero Uno and Queen Condi!!! [link] Outrageous!!!
Now, McCain is contradicting us and saying that John Kerry (liberal scumbag who we will destroy with our $200+ million war-on-America war-chest) is not weak on defense!!! [link] Outrageous!!!
Doesn't that mother-f*cker McCain understand this is campaign-time and that facts aren't worth sh*t???:-- It's about destroying Kerry and we're gonna' win anyway!!! Brother Jeb has confirmed this with Walden O'Dell, CEO over at Diebold Electronic Voting Machines, [link] who is a good buddy, affirming that he'll do anything to get us back in the White House in 2005!!!
So remind McCain to keep his fat trap shut if he wants to keep his arms and legs and not end-up like that stupid slob, Max Cleland [link] (dumb enough to be sent to Vietnam, unlike Me, Numero Uno: [link]/ smart enough to avoid battle and danger completely. I'm a genius 'cause I got out of serving, unlike those stupid dupes like McCain, Cleland and Kerry who went and fought in Vietnam!)!!!
Dubya, Numero Uno. (Ain't Democracy Wonderful?)
P.S. Perhaps when we re-institute the draft in 2005 [link] for our fun, fun, fun neo-con wars in Syria, Iran and Libya, [link] we can send McCain back into battle!!! Remind him of that: that should fix him!!!
P.P.S. After all, Halliburton, Bechtel, the Carlyle Group and others in our wonderful Military Industrial Complex need our fun, fun, fun neo-con wars for war-profits to keep their investors (Poppy, Jeb, Neil, you, Condi & Me, Numero Uno) happy, happy, happy!!! [link]
P.P.P.S. Get me some more military costumes: I luv, luv, luv dressing-up like a Top-Gun (I never did it before!)!!! [link]
So there you have it. The new rasta or not? You decide. Does he have what it takes? Go check more out
[url=usefulidiot.tblog.com]here[/url]
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| How has your life changed since Bush became president? |
| 03.18.04 (4:28 pm) [edit] |
Liberals are constantly campaigning and asking the question, “ Are you better off now then you where years ago?” Hmm…. To really analyze this question I must paint a picture of the before and the “Nows” of the four years of Bush.
Before: “Honey we’re are going to be late for the plane.” “Coming dear. Just getting my bags checked.”
How about now: “Honey hurry up we’re going to miss the strip search before we get on the plane.” “I’m hurrying dear, I’m just getting a magic stick shoved up my crotch by two men:
Before: We’re going to be rich after this Enron stock skyrockets
Now: We’re rich!!! Well …that’s what happens in my family.
Before: “Jayme this is the guy I was telling you about. Meet Al.” “Nice to meet you.”
Now: “Jayme this is the guy I was telling you about. Meet Al.” “His name is Al, that half way to Al - Qaeda….run!!!!!!!!!!”
Before: “Happy birthday son.” What is it?” “Let’s just say the best gifts come in odd shaped packages.”
Now: “Happy birthday son.” What is it?” “Let’s just say the best gifts come in odd shaped packages.” “It’s a bomb run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
So when a liberal comes up to you and ask who you will vote for in 04 you know what to say….If none of this made since hit the liberal with a bat and run.
*Paid for by Ralph Nadir. Vote Nadir so the Goddamn hippies can retire already*
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| St Patrick's day at the White House |
| 03.17.04 (2:11 pm) [edit] |
“Well it’s Saint Patrick’s Day today Laura”
“Yep”
“Oh, come on, how about one beer?”
“No George.”
“Man, we have had some great St Patrick Day memories.”
“O hey Collin, say do you have green on today?”
“Well…uh…..Bush leave me alone.”
“Hey I have to pinch you now.”
“Bush cut it out. So what are you two doing?’
“Well where just talking about all the great St. Patrick day moments we’ve had,” said Laura
“O, I’ve got one!” said Collin “ Remember when George went to Ireland?”
“Yea, and he got in trouble because he pinched the Prime Minister Bertie Ahern.
((Flashback)))
This morning, we remember a good man who spread the gospel of peace," Bush said of St. Patrick as he addressed an audience in the Roosevelt Room of the White House.
“Actually we just like the beer.” screamed someone in the audience.
"Americans are proud of the Irish influence and grateful to our Irish friends.” Bush continued, then rudely interrupted by the same man. “So America likes the beer to huh?”
(((End Flashback)))
“Ha, then the minister said how with the three leafs merging into one, the shamrock provides a perfect symbol of how different traditions can come together and find common cause. Then George blurted out, kinda like the Pot leaf.”, said Colin Powell as he chuckled.
“Man so many great times we have had here.” said Bush
*Just then the phone rang*
“I’ll get it!, Said Bush
“Laura!”, said Bush. “It’s Colin Farrell on the phone he wants to know if I can go have a few beers.
“Sure honey, it’s not like your going to win this election anyway.
Mean while at the Nadir camp, "I must think of someway to win, perhaps a slogan. I got it, He's mean green an full of uhh....beans?"
*People wherever you are, have a happy St. Patty's day.
- rasta
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| News |
| 03.16.04 (1:25 pm) [edit] |
Working, behind enemy headlines.com is up as of now. Stay with us until I finish everything up, template and such. Until then RASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAFARIIIII I!!!
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
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| Back up...woooo |
| 03.15.04 (11:49 am) [edit] |
Thank you Rocky, for that 48 hour vacation. I thought tblog crashed so i stopped writing then it came back up I was like, o shit. Anyway here are some headlines to keep you buisy.
It was decided today after numerous accounts of another story that John Kerry is doing a new fundraiser to make money for his campaign. He will be selling Vietnamese girls on ebay for $7,400. Think it’s a little expensive. Kerry reports that’s pretty much the same price if not less that American politicians pay when they go to Vietnam and get a girl. Kerry hopes to sell at least 30, and disguise the other 20 and Chinese.
Jay Leno was arrested today. Leno made plans to hire “Stuttering John” from Howard Stern’s show before Stern even got fired. Stern is now filing a lawsuit saying that Leno had insider tips on when to buy.
Howard Stern and Howard Dean are currently writing a new book. Entitled “The two tales of Howard” The book talks about how they both became outcast of America. And how Howard Stern likes Asian porn.
And here is a joke:
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and
Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one
would win?
Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that
harass is one word.
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| Spiffy Day |
| 03.13.04 (2:28 pm) [edit] |
It's me Rasta. Promising to hopefully have some new and funnier post this week. Maybe even the new site. Which is going to have forums on it. Heres what you can look for
The Red Tigress Viewing of The Passion
Kerry Kapers
Something with LIL John.
By the way I have been drinking this stuff from LIL John.
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
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| Rasta not funny |
| 03.12.04 (1:49 pm) [edit] |
Didn't feel like being funny today. Am I ever funny anyway? So here is a post from a man who everyone loves,[url=http://scrappleface.com//]Scott Ott[/url]
Viacom Replaces Martha with 'Janet Jackson Living'
(2004-03-08) -- Viacom, the parent company of CBS and UPN, today announced that it would drop Martha Stewart's show and replace it with a new program called 'Janet Jackson Living' which it described as "a live, cutting edge fashion show."
In a brief statement, Viacom President and COO Mel Karmazin said, "Now that we know that Martha lied to federal investigators, we can't in good conscience allow her to give decorating advice to our nation's impressionable homemakers."
Mr. Karmazin said, "Janet Jackson Living is aimed at 8-14 year-old girls struggling with significant garment issues."
Anyway some girl I like, well it's not important. Just know I may be gone for a while. Keep going to Scott's site since he's got better material anyway.
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| John F’n Kerry. |
| 03.11.04 (4:50 pm) [edit] |
Where about to select the contestants for this years contest...you can still get those applications in..
email me at jayme_selman@yahoo.com. Tell me why you want to join and a little detail about your blog. If you dont send me and email it may be hard to contact you. Failure to contact results in you being replaced.
John F’n Kerry.
By: rasta
After being in the Neighborhood a few days ago, where John Kerry was giving his speech. I realized that Kerry was going to win. Kerry comes to Florida all nice and everything. Treating us like a 21 year old treats a 16-year-old girl. Kerry thinks where obviously to dumb to vote, this may be true. Every candidate knows that if you get Florida it’s like some victory. “Dude did you get with Florida?” “Yea I did, she’s easy.” “Awesome.” I’m am telling you, this state is like a 16 year old girl, oblivious to what is going on. She just wants to be “loved” and “cared for”. So Kerry comes down here saying how where the best state, which is bullshit. Kerry was definitely trying to take advantage of us. John F’n Kerry will win, and I have only one thing I can do. Make him wish he never came out of Vietnam. Now once again, guessing Kerry wins the race. I say guessing like it came out of my ass. Anyway, he is going to need a running mate. As I always say, it takes two to tango; ironically it takes two to get into office. So where the hell will Kerry get a running mate? I recommend E-Harmony.com; even though I personally haven’t found Ms. right perhaps he will have better luck. Also keep in mind Kerry has many other options of finding a running mate. How about Joe Lieberman? Joe is the kid who was never picked for basketball in middle school. Kerry, just pick him before he blows his old school up. He has a lot of good features, he’s Jewish. Or did you already know that? Kerry, you have so many options. Maybe we will have a game show, like the bachelor. But what you don’t know about this contestant is that he’s republican. Or that one show, “Contestant number 1, if we where going to nuke Russia. What would you tell the media?’ Perhaps I will give you more later. In fact I will, look for the new Kerry series on B.E.H. called Kerry McGuire. “You had me at Vietnam.”
For your pleasure
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| Anger- don't even bother commenting |
| 03.10.04 (12:13 pm) [edit] |
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Thanks to everyone who posted yesterday...o wait no one posted yesterday. Not even one person could go to Serenity's site and at least say something. On another note no one signed up for the contest, if noone signs soon then I'm just gonna say F*** it. No new post today, because no one deserves it.
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| A message and ...another message |
| 03.09.04 (1:15 pm) [edit] |
Welcome to todays post. First off the contest is under way, email me if you want to be in: jayme_selman@yahoo.com. In a few days we will be having a very special post on B.E.H. so be sure to join for that. Now I have a announcement I found on [url=http://www.imao.us//]Frank J's site[/url]
* Finally, and most importantly, I'd like to say that the blogosphere is more that just news commentary, made up stories about an angry dog, and telling completely true lies about the blending of puppies; I like to think we're a community too. Right now, one of us needs help. Serenity had broken her ankle and needs surgery. She has a lot of bills, and she won't be able to have any income for two months as she recovers. She has some veteran benefits, but that won't cover everything. Serenity was instrumental in getting Front Line Voices up and keeping it running, putting a lot of time into that, and she means a lot to me at least. If you have anything to spare, please go to Serenity's site and give her a little help during her down time. It's the American way to help out each other (and I consider all my readers American... even the Canadians). In the least, go wish her well.
You can go to her site and give a donation if you wish, the bills are very high, or just give her support :
[url=http://www.serenitysjournal.c...]here [/url]
OK here is the deal about this so called contest. I am going to get Sam Adams to be the prompter. I want everyone to send me and email at jayme_selman@yahoo.com and tell me why you should when and a description of your blog. If you refuse to do this you probably wont be entered. Then we will have voting then a writing contest then more voting then a million dollar prize So if it sounds good then enter. I can't really say what the writing will be about but maybe we will vote on that two. Now I am working on Red Tigres's post. Maybe done today...look for it...it will kick ass.
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| Contest |
| 03.08.04 (5:55 pm) [edit] |
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In a few days we are going to start the win Rasta's funny. A contest that will put a contestant in the shoes of rasta for ever. More details on the way, if you want to sign up just tell me. We will selct a few people to write an article and give you a few hours. I may also compete. Then we shall vote. Winner recieves free advertisement on my new site and some other cool prizes. Everyone enter, Tommorrow I will post the rules.
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| Conclusion Of Sam's adventured and sorry to Red Tigress |
| 03.08.04 (1:31 pm) [edit] |
Ok, heres the deal. Rightfully Red Tigress won. But I havn't prepared her article. My computer messed up then when I retyped it I didn't have enough time to send it To Red Tigress. To make things okay with her I have talked things over. It will have something to do with the passion of the Christ.
And now the conclusion to The Life Of Sam Adams:
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
[url=http://http://www.tblog.com/templates/index.php?bid=rasta&static=1134 85]Part 2[/url]
[url=http://www.tblog.com/template...]Part 1[/url]
[url=http://samadams.tblog.com/] Sam[/url] turned around to see [url=http://pinkiey.tblog.com/] pinkiey[/url], his old, old, old girlfriend. “Sam you never called me.”
“Look Pinkiey, things got bad, then before you know it I was in New Zealand.
“That’s okay Sam, what happened is history but what is going, well that different.”
Sam hung up the phone and got into Pinkie's car. They engaged upstairs for a while. The details I will not describe because well, it’s Sam. Maybe if it was just Pinkiey, remember that one video you sent me?
As they laid in bed, Pinkiey asleep, Sam got up to make a phone call in the kitchen.
“Hello is this John, ok where going to get the Bush operation done tonight...” He continued to talk and look at pictures hanging on Pinkie's wall. Just then Sam noticed a particular one that stood out, it was a picture of Pinkiey and a dog, an angry one. “Hey!”, said Sam. “That's not just an angry dog, that's chomps the world’s angriest dog.”
The man on the phone questioned Sam’s sanity. “Are you ok Sam?, said John.
“No, Pinkiey is working for Bush, she’s going to have me killed. Sam looked out the window to see a dark van parked across the street. Inside was a sniper. “Ok, dude, I am going to get you out of this, let me transfer you to a friend.", said John.
A deep voice came on the phone, “Hello Sam?!”
“Yes, this is Sam what do I do?”
“Sam, their coming for you, I don’t know who or why but they are coming for you.”
“Say are you morfeus from the Matrix?”
“No, I am MoreB.S. from the FAKETRIX, it’s like the Matrix but it’s well....anyway you must get out, we haven't much time. You see that cubical across from you...”
“Ahah, I knew your where morfeus!”, said Sam
“I was just joking Sam, anyway you must do as I say. Jump out that window their, run like hell. Turn on 74th lane and get to house 56, it should have dsl, connect to the internet and then you will enter my world. If it has AOL then your screwed.”
Sam jumped out the window, ran like hell, and connected to the internet. Unfortunately it was through AOL so those stupid Kelly Clarkson downloads kept popping up. Once online he entered a new world.
“Where am I?”, cried Sam
“Your in the real world now.”, said the mysterious voice.
“Morfeus?”
“No Sam I told you I am not Morfeus, my real name is Ralph Nadir.
“Ralph, what are you doing here?”, asked Sam
“Look around Mr. Adams, this is my world, I made it all.”
“Mr. Nadir, I thought Al Gore created the internet.”
“Hey Pamela Anderson didn’t invent the video camera did she?”
Wait...what?”
“So Sam, you want to kill Bush huh? He did something bad huh?
“Yea, Yeah!”
“Well Mr. Sam, sure what the hell we shall help you. Stay here tonight, if you go back to the real world they will kill you.”
“Good morning Mr. Sam, It’s time to plan the attack.”
So for a whole day Nadir and Sam strategically planned the attack. At night time they where ready for attack.
“Here kid, you're going too need these”, said Nadir as he handed him two bullets which Sam placed in His pocket. They road to the white house quietly, once there they jumped the fence and penetrated security.
“Hey Sam you bust in I’ll be right behind you.”
Sam busted in “Alright everyone raise your hands...”
“...If you sure.”, said a voice mockingly.
“Bush, your time has come.”, said Sam.
Just then a voice cam to Sam: “Sam it’s me Winston, I believe in you...I believe.”
“Hello my name is Sam, you killed my friend, you stole my country, now prepare to die!!”
Sam pulled out his sword but it was two late, Bush had the place surrounded.
“Sam!!!”, yelled Nadir. “Sam we have to get out of here, he’s going to kill us all.”
Sam pulled out a gun shot Bush, set a bomb under the desk and ran. “Nadir what do we do now?”
“We have to get back to the house and connect to the Faketrix. Sam and Nadir ran to the house they once came from, connected to the internet and where soon back in reality.
“Sam, they will come soon for you.”
“Who?’
“The agents, you don’t have much time, take this red pill.”
Sam did as he was told, and went into a deep sleep.
Sam woke up with the T.V. turned on to Fox News. He was in bed with Pinkiey. “O0o0o, that was amazing Sam.” He wondered, was this a dream or did it really happen? “Nah”, he thought. “It couldn't of happened.” Perhaps but how would he explain the one bullet remaining in his pocket? So many questions Sam had. Was Winston dead? Did he kill Bush? All these question would be answered when he got out of pinkie’s bed. All in all it’s another day in The Life of Sam Adams.
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| Red Tigress vs. Sam and Winston |
| 03.07.04 (5:32 pm) [edit] |
Tommorrow will be a challenge...we have two people wanting to be heard and read about. Red Tigress wants me to post an article with her. Mean while Sam and Winston the guys making me money also want their post.
Who shall I pick?
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| Life of Sam Adams Part 2 |
| 03.07.04 (1:25 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
Your two favorite characters are back...with a spiffy logo.
[url=http://samadams.tblog.com/] Sam[/url] and [url=http://winstonsmith.tblog.com...]Winston[/url] stumbled into a town right inside Massachusetts, and boy where they in for a surprise. "You know Winston things are a lot different in America now." "What do you mean Sam?' Just then a young 23 year old guy walked by and said," Hey silly buns."
"O, Now I get it" said Winston. The two decided to stop into a bar before they hijacked a bus and drove it to D.C. “Let’s go in here!”, said Winston eagerly.
“Hi welcome to Queers, where your name doesn’t matter.”, said a bartender. “Married couples get a free drink today. “O well my wife isn’t here”, said Sam. “O so you guys haven't gotten married yet? Jesus Christ where are you two from Alabama?”, replied the bartender.” But we aren't ...uhh never mind” “Come one Sam lets go.”
Sam and Winston continued on their journey walking, running, hitchhiking to D.C. It took them
a few days but they where determined. On the road they met a redneck by the name of Doug Buck who told them of a great danger that they would embark upon. Then he snorted some cocaine and passed out leaving Sam to take over the steering wheel. What this is sign? Yes, talk to your redneck kids about
drugs, they'll listen.
One night while camping out Sam heard a noise, Bush felt their presence. All a sudden out of nowhere Chomps the world’s angriest dog appeared tearing the tent apart. Sam ran but Winston didn’t make it and Chomps tore him apart leaving him with one arm and numerous open wounds. Sam appeared after Chomps had run off to find his friend all bloody and delusional.
“Winston!” “Winston you can’t leave me now, where almost there!”, screamed Sam who was as emotional as a Hispanic who had just seen The Passion.(That was wrong.) Winston said one last thing,” hurrrburrrahaha”. Unfortunately no one knows what Winston meant to say, even the Pope couldn't understand what he said. (Sorry Winston, someone had to die and Sam gave me 10 bucks to say it was you.)
Sam continued the trip alone, but more determined to assassinate Bush then before. He thought perhaps he wouldn't kill him just ask him questions he could answer then laugh at him. But then murdering the president seemed so much more enticing.
In a day or so Sam made it so D.C. He met some friends there and they give him guns and weapons, oblivious to the facts. Sam decided he would go in tonight, but first he had something to do, actually no there wasn’t. Sam decided to give someone a call
Meanwhile in the White House....
"Mr Bush it's MSNBC....they want to talk to you
"Tell them I'm in Texas campaining."
"Mr Bush Jerry Farwell is on the phone."
"Tell him I'm at church."
"Mr Bush Sam Adams is on the phone."
"Tell himm...O I'll pick this one up myself."
"Hello?"
"Mr. Bush it's me Sam, Iv'e come for revenge"
"Plop Plop, Fiz Fiz, o what a relief it is Mr Adams."
"What? Are you retarted?"
"Maybe, but I am president, and will be again for four more years."
"Not as long as I......"
To Continue
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| Life of Sam Adams |
| 03.06.04 (1:26 pm) [edit] |
[url=http://samadams.tblog.com/] Sam Adams[/url]
“Where is he?” cried the angry crowd of Sam Adams fans. The crowd had been sitting outside the courtroom for some time now. No one knew why Sam was there but he was and it seemed like a gloomy day. Inside the courtroom things looked worse:
“Your honor, what this man has been charged of is preposterous! If the glove didn’t fit then uh…..Sam is innocent.”
Sam knew his fate. He was being charged on 4 counts. 1. Being to intelligent, 2. He exposed Bush way too much, 3.He was a fraud (I couldn’t think of another one, so I wrote one of Martha Stewart’s.), and 4. He sold had been told to sell his Howard Dean stock before it crashed.
Sam thought he might have a chance by hiring that one lawyer from the O.J. case, Robert Kardashian. He was wrong. Jesse Jackson has offered to help Sam; before he found out he wasn’t black. The Judge spoke, “We have one last person who wants to speak.”
Bush walked into the courtroom with a grin on his face. “Hello Sam.”, said Bush.
“What do you want you no life wackjob?”, replied Sam angrily. “Listen Sam I set this up because you are a danger to me. I must do something about this I mean after all I want a reelection.” “You have 4 counts Sam, 4. I can make them all go away, with the help of my dad and Cheney.”
“What do you want?’, ask Sam.
“Sam I want you to resign from blogging.”
“Whhhat?!”, screamed Sam.
“Look anyone who gets in my way I destroy.”
“So you did make Aristide resign!”
“Damn right Sam!”
“Now I must make you!”
At this point Sam realized he must do something and do it quick, but he couldn’t, Bush had all control.
He decided he wasn’t going to surrender but bush made him anyway saying that they really couldn’t give him time because all the charges where made up. Sam asked to speak to his fans but Bush denied him of this privilege. He was screwed. Until one day the Red Cross forced themselves inside Sam’s room and insisted they must examine him. Bush said of course and the Red Cross proceeded. Once inside the room they Sam realized his friend [url=http://winstonsmith.tblog.com...]Winston Smith [/url] was under cover and was going to break Sam free. They slipped out of the room with Sam in a uggg…umm Duffle bag (just made that up). Once outside they recognized the face of Dick Cheney who chased them down the street until he fell over and died. Winston and Sam got away and moved to New Zealand where they met a guy name Rasta. They will soon plan revenge.
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| Teaching the masses |
| 03.05.04 (7:43 pm) [edit] |
Tupac backwards is Caput.
O and I would like to bring to attention a new site I have found.
[url=http://www.contractorpeon.com...] check it out[/url]
I enjoyed it and hopefully you will, if not then well I can only make you guys laugh so much.(becuase I only have a little bit of money to give you all each week.)
Ok also I took [url=http://oolostentity.tblog.com...] oOlostentity's[/url] name test thing and here is the result:
Your name of Rasta makes you quick-minded, versatile, and very expressive. You are adaptable and creative in responding to new situations. This name has given you an interest in people and a desire for new experiences. You have the ability to create a favourable first impression, and so you could do well in the fields of sales promotion or entertainment. The use of this name creates a lack of stability in your affairs as you are inclined to procrastinate or to be too impulsive in your decision making.
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| Back and More |
| 03.05.04 (1:43 pm) [edit] |
Back, this time for real. You thought that I was gone but no I am back. Those punk hackers thought they could out smart me but the left has never been smarter then I. Anyway yesterday I asked you all about the Haiti isshue and I like to here back from my readers(sometimes)
Firestarter had this to say:
Hey, personally I like Aristide Development, they had that song in 1993 called Tenessee...ya, that was a joint "take me to another place, take me to another land, let me forget all that hurts me, let me understand your plan...Tennessee..." Good stuff, but what does Haiti have to do with it? I am both flummoxed and puzzled at the same time-last time that happened was in 1995 when they got rid of crystal pepsi. Anywho, Haiti doesn't even factor into the top 40 charts or anything. Perhaps a more seasoned professional such as rasta or dr. phil could elaborate. peace out, booooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!
Elaborate on what? They are on the top 40 chart, of chaos. That and most charts only go up to 20. Down to buisness. Some complaints have been made about the color of this site "Behind Enemy REDlines? Try a little 000000 on that eyesore blog of yours. There ARE other colors in the spectrum, you know." Well if my colors don't get you the radiation from your hewlett packard monitor will. And now I must post:
I was thinking that kids these days don't understand politics, nor do they care. I want them to care!!! Here is my solution: What do kids do the most? Watch T.V. Now, there is a show everyone watches, even my mother and it is called The O.C. So I give you ....The D.C.
"So Paul you thought you could just come back into my life again?", said a hurt and agrivated Bush.
"Bush I didn't mean to, they made me, they said I would be cool if I did.", replied Paul O' Neil. "Paul I wish I could but I have a new man in my life." "Nooooo",screamed Paul as he saw the face of that Chinese guy from American Idol. "She bangs, She bangs"
"Bush How could you?" "I love him Paul, and he won't leave me!"
"George this is just a phase, like when you went out with Carrot Top"
(((FlashBack))))
"Hey George I have a joke. Whats the fastest way to end a game of Battleship in Iraq? B52!!! Ahahaha"
"Carrot Top your so romantic."
(((end FlashBack))))
George I still love you", screamed Paul
"Me to Paul" "Listen Ching Chung or whatever your name is I like you and all but well I will always love Paul."
Needless to say that chinese guy became very famous...somewhere.
"Come on George let's go watch a movie, and discuss Foreign Policy plans, and secrete war ideas.", said Paul
The End
Next week the boys find out Condelzze Rice is a virgin.
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| Rasta and Hati |
| 03.03.04 (2:34 pm) [edit] |
Yes I'm back, woopi doo. Not for long only till my tech guy gets the new website up...ehh we may be here longer then I thought.
What's going on in Haiti? Well whenever I ask myself," What the hell is going on in Haiti?'I look to one man and one man only:
"Kerry (D-Mass.) said he would have sent troops to Haiti even without international support to quell the revolt against President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
"President Kerry would never have allowed that to get where it is," Kerry said, though he added he's not "a big Aristide fan."
But he insisted the White House "has empowered the insurgents, and they've done it quite purposely out of their dislike ... for Aristide."
A Kerry administration would have given the rebels a 48-hour ultimatum to come up with a peaceful agreement - "otherwise, we're coming in," he said.
"I would intervene with the international community, and absent an international force, I'd do it unilaterally," he said, adding the most important thing was to protect democracy."
Anyway that was just a thought. Then again remember that we did not force this man to resign. You can trust me when I say that. But then again the same guy who just said that was the same guy who promised WMDs. But I am sure there is a reason. Hahahahaha
Now some of you may be saying, " Why are you not being funny?" I am simply killing time until I must write on the new site.
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| I'm Back...sorta |
| 03.01.04 (1:51 pm) [edit] |
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I am back... kind of. Unfortunately I had a post ready but the library comp. killed it. So welcome back. Until the new site is up we are the blog formally known as B.E.H.
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Jayme Selman(thats me)
What Sam Adams said about Rasta:
"You win the Award for the Best Wit on Tblog ..."
Jayme is an accomplished asshole as well as the writer of behind enemy headlines and producer of "Affirmative Anger"
AND THE CRITICS SAY:
"This is seriously @#$%*& UP, have you considered therapy? "
-LILPOETGIRL
"Your stories are a trip! Who knew politics could be so entertaining?"
-OoLostEntity
Rasta ... what can i say, you're simply talented beyond words!
Keep up the great work !
- progressive
Rasta you have a very creative mind which is cool i hate all cut and paste post's.......your are far from that
I'm never let down by the humor of your blog... thats a compliment lol.
Trama! I was laughing at this! In the sick way that I laugh at SouthPark because it is sooo WRONG but SOOOO funny!! Kara
Perfect. Cant imagine anything better or funnier. I swear I sit hear with my laptop computer just reading along and suddenly laughing out loud, getting strange looks from my family and pets! Much needed stress reliever. I can picture Shrub, Condie and Rummie really saying this stuff. It is so weird, and so are they!!! Next stop.... send it to The Onion! http://www.theonion.com/
People I like:
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