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| Rasta Quits |
| 02.25.04 (1:09 pm) [edit] |
Today is the day that I resign fom blogging. I hope no one is upset but I aslo no that no one cares so you can't be upset. I lost to Frank over at IMAO.US. I got 20 votes. Wow! Anyway see you all on the brighter side.
Will Rasta be back?
Maybe.
Anyway here is the topic and my reply to Franks contest, in which I lost:
Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004
1.Well a sex scandal would be nice, but then again is that so bad?
2.Maybe something about racism, it never seems to get old
3.They put Quaker oats out of business and replace them with Liberal Oats, which
sounds good but its really not. (I was going to say that they provide you
with your daily tofu but they already do that.)
4.They start coming to your door like Jehovah™s witnesses
5.Liberals come out with a new whistle that is just a recording of a liberal
whining. It somehow attracts ducks, and the platypus, and unfortunately young
business men by the name of Henry.
6.They Kill Archie Bunker for reasons only the ACLU can understand
7.They make a Jesse Jackson dictionary, or C.D. of Al Sharpton and Jesse singing "Free at last".
8.In showing that they care, all the liberals get together with Michael Jackson
and record a song about the NRA called "Boys just wanna have guns".
9.They decide to have a Jew run for president one day, o wait never mind.
10.They have David Lettermen do a Top 10 on them to try and get more people to
like them. (Hey. That's what Howard Dean did and look what happened.).
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| Vote Rasta |
| 02.23.04 (1:06 pm) [edit] |
Hey everyone, today is the day to vote for me on IMAO's contest vote [url=http://www.imao.us/archives/0...] here[/url] I don't think I am aloud to tell you wich one is mine, but think Jesse Jackson. Anyway here is what one of the guys who will loose to me said," And did I hear a snicker from Behind Enemy REDlines? Try a little 000000 on that eyesore blog of yours. There ARE other colors in the spectrum, you know."
By the way I make it red for a reason, I have a weird fascination with Killing. No Just kiding
Hahahaha. he will get his ass kicked.
Anyway I am now going to see the Mel Gibson Movie then when I come back I will loose to Frank and then shut down this blog.
Yes it is TRUE. This is the last post by yours truly. Good bye
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| The Oscars |
| 02.20.04 (4:33 pm) [edit] |
My other post sucked so here is a new one:
“ Hi welcome to the Oscars, I’m Billy Crystal, I’m hosting. You know I love award shows, I was in a movie with Robert Deniro. Here is Natalie Maines to give out this years “Angriest American Bush hater” award.”
“Thanks Billy Crystal(stupid American). You know America is a good county(viva la France) but it could be better(murder the president). Here is an award for the man who does make this country better, Michael Moore(fat ass).
::Applauds::
“Thanks Natalie(whore), anyway I am glad to have won the award. I told CBS that if I didn’t when this award that I was gonna through another fit like last year. The reason Natalie didn’t win is simply because the award wasn’t called “Angriest American Bush hater who talks trash outside of America.” Anyway I would like to say a few words
::The music starts to cut him off::
“Let the man speak!!”, said a unfamiliar dark voice. Actually it was Michael’s mom.
“Thank you”, said Moore. “Anyway I would like to talk about Bush---”
::Just then the lights went dim and all the TV’s focused on one man with a small head::
“Dear God what now?” screamed Moore as if he was a ten year old boy having a temper tantrum because his dad kept telling him they where going fishing but was buisy making business phone calls.
“Greetings I am Joe Lieberman. I am head of the Jewish Liberation Team. And we need to stop this man, this Mel Gibson. His evil plan is to make us look bad. WE WILL NOT BE---”
“Alright Folks we will be right back after this commercial”, said a very confused Crystal.
::Meanwhile in the CBS tower::
“Shit what are we going to do? How did Liberian get on the network anyway” said one producer.
“Well you know how Jews control the media." replied Dave Letterman. HAHA HOO, Yea boy.”
“They control the media. yeaa, Jews, yeaaa.” sang Paul Shafer.
“Dave how did you get in the studio? Your show isn’t even on for like another 6 hours.”
::Wait how did Dave Letterman get involved? Well it is CBS.”
“Alright Billy your on in 3...2...1..”
“Folks we want to sincerely apologize for anyone who was offended by Michael Moore being a dumb ass. We also want to say sorry to are Christian viewers, wait no we don’t. Do we even have any christians watching? I thought they where all watching PAX. Which reminds me, tune in this week for everyone's favorite new show: Touched by a Hells Angel. Alright folks stick around.
:: Just then Michael Moore runs on stage nude::
“ Man I knew the show was gonna end like this. How obvious, Michael Moore takes his clothes off.” said one man in the audience.
“Well at lease those are real, instead of implants like two weeks ago when CBS had Janet on stage.” said Billy Crystal
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
Great pic by [url=www.conservativepunk.com]conservative punk[/url]
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| Rasta rap, contest, and CEOs... |
| 02.20.04 (2:49 pm) [edit] |
First off, a reader sent this to me the ohter day(in support of the contest with Frank.)
"rasta on dee attack, spittin' venom like a snake
pursuin' dee left wit' fire, for goodness sake
no more talk of dee goofy far right
he'll leave dat topic for anudda night
now he can focus on jackson and sharpton
da guys dat make him want to pick up dee big gun
and stick it 'gainst his temple to try to stop dee pain
by pulling dee ole standby- style : kurt cobain
there will be no talk of dean, 'cuz dat fool has dropped out
there will be no recitation of dee states-rasta starts to pout
rasta no talk of the weapons of mass destruction
rasta must speak of dee abundant lefty corruption
--good luck to da rasta-
-from your bruddah from a different muddah (and faddah)"
Also I did submit my post for Frank's contest. It will be seen and voted for on monday at [url=www.imao.us]IMAO[/url]
And now todays post:
Well former CEO of enron was arrested yesterday.
As we all know the law seems to be cracking down on CEOs. Right on! Ok, enough excitement. You know, some people believe that the CEOs that are going to Jail are not really doing the same activities that most prisoners do. I thought of doing a interview with a CEO in jail and Dianne Sawyer thought of the same idea. I told myself there was no way that I would let her get this one, I mean she already took the Gibson interview. So needless to say I locked her in my basement with a box of chex mix. Anyway here is the interview with me and an unnamed CEO:
Me: How was leaving all you knew and going to jail?
CEO: It was a little scary going to a new place on my own, How would I live without the person who’d sheltered and supported me for so many years.....yep, I hated to leave my defense attorney.
Me: Right, how was adjusting to jail?
CEO: Well I was honestly scared being the new guy and all
Me: Well of course. What did you fear the most?
CEO: What if they found out I hadn't gone public yet? What if they made me take the top bunk?
Me:......What type of things did you do in jail?
CEO: Well Jayme we had a lot of activities. One in general that I remember was hostile takeover the flag.
Me: Hmmm... I see.
CEO: The talent show was great. I did my famous ventriloquism routine( that's the routine where the dummy says, “ I plead the Fifth” ).
Me: Anything else?
CEO: In arts and crafts I learned how to weave a basket out of paper shreddings. I made an origami crane out of worthless stock certificates.
Me: Wow, hey I heard all of the jail mates where really close and caring, is this true.
CEO: Yes I can remember on Kenny's birthday we took turns whacking and Eliot Spitzer piñata. When it burst open, it was full of toy immunity guarantees!
Me: Wow, sounds like fun. But how did you feel when you left, what was that time like? The Final hours.
CEO: On my last night we stayed up late, singing cooperate jingles and telling ghost stories. (...And then the CFO said, “ Get out of there! The whistle blower is calling from within your office”)
Me: What a dramatic story. How did you feel when you where getting ready to leave
CEO: I didn't want to leave! Next year I hope to embezzle more and double my sentence.
Me: Wow, what a brave young man you are.
There you have it. I believe that tells you the truth.
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| Working.... |
| 02.19.04 (1:36 pm) [edit] |
Working on what I will write for Frank's conest. The topic is "Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004"
I have pretty much covered this topic for 2003. Well I hope to beat frank, pray to God.
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| Good things |
| 02.17.04 (2:08 pm) [edit] |
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God things, behindenemyheadlines.com is almost up plus I am in [url=www.imao.us]Frank's[/url] contest. Wish me luck because that Frank is a hard one to take. I will explain the contest in more detail later. Not that you care but well it makes me feel good. Once I win this contest I will rule the hahah...(cough)
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| Question... |
| 02.17.04 (7:37 am) [edit] |
[url=http://gevkaffeegal.typepad.c...]The Alliance[/url] ask: What will the dead terrorists get instead of Paradise and 72 virgins?
Well I am not really sure, but Michael Bolton is involved. Since the pope is so buddy with them he can burn in hell to with the terrorist. Since the pope is involved lets bring out the Polish Breakdancers, those guys kick ass. Maybe they will all get to go to Disney world, home of the terrorist. And they won't be getting any virgins thats for sure. Where would God get that many? Try Pasis Hilton, she can give them a disease they don't have yet. I dunno any thoughts? I gotta run to class, have a spiffy one.
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| Passion Of the Christ |
| 02.17.04 (6:55 am) [edit] |
Felt like being serious today. Here is [url=www.michaelsavage.com]Michael Savage's[/url] review of The Passion Of Christ. My review of it will be up next week. If my teacher Mr. P is reading, have fun! By the way I know you will want to debate. Go for it!!
The Capture of Jesus choreographed in Kurosawa-esque movements.
The ancient Hebrew, Aramaic, and Latin linguistics.
A must for every Christian and Jew; every rebel, independent, iconoclast who has felt the blunt steel of rejection, isolation, humiliation, or castigation.
As for portraying Jews in a negative light - a resounding NO! That is, for rational educated people. There is always the fear that bigots will use this film as they might use any pretext to advance their hateful agenda. The wild card question is: How will radical Muslims use this film? Will they seek to turn Christians against Jews?
During the trial of Jesus, two ancient Hebrew Judges who loudly claim the hearing biased are boldly thrown from the court. The biased judges do not want to hear the opinion that Jesus is innocent of the charges against him.
Good Jews. Fair Jews. Bad Jews. Biased Jews.
Good Romans. Bad Romans. Like today, in historical context.
A passion play about faith and fear, the blessed and the cursed.
The loyal and traitorous. For everyone who has craved a portrait of living biblical history, there has never been a more accurate portrayal.
The Judas-tree scene alone is worth the price of admission. Both for its dramatic content as for its moral imperative.
For every parent wanting to instill moral values in a child, The Passion can be a good teacher.
But we mustn't run from the most pregnant question. Some Jewish organizations have legitimate fears that this remarkable work of art might instigate hatred against the Jewish people. We cannot predict what demented bigots might do nor should we permit them to dictate the terms of our civilization and its artistic creations.
How is it that the most vile films imaginable are being made with little or no protest from the very same organizations attacking Gibson's artistic creation. Murder, Rape, Drug Usage - all standard fare in a theater near you. No protest about these vile works from these organizations who object to what appears to be 100% biblically correct.
Following the screening of his controversial film, Mr. Gibson asked me what I thought of it. I said, "Of course there are going to be those who are going to look to blame the Jewish people, but it is the Romans who flay Jesus nearly to death and who actually crucify him." I added, "Mel, what are people going to do, stop eating pasta!" There was then much laughter all around the boardroom. But I repeat, are people to stop eating Italian food because of Pontius Pilate and the Roman sadists? It would be foolish to think so.
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| Jesse Jackson Dictionary |
| 02.14.04 (10:43 am) [edit] |
Call it what you want the Jesse Jackson DIC tionary or the Jesse Hijack- son dictionary:
Hi I am Jayme Selman, founder and writer at Behind Enemy Headlines. As a writer I know how important it is to write with big words so you smarter then your readers. This is why I put together the biggest and best piece of literature money can buy, The Jesse Jackson Dictionary. For times like when you have a big term paper due and you don’t know what the heck is going on because you have been on spring break for a year. For times like when your applying for a job but you’re not a minority. For if you are a Floridian and have to take the Fcat, or if you live in any other state where you are required to take a dumbass test. This book has been tested and used by real life debaters on CNN. The Jesse Jackson dictionary takes you, the average American and makes you a expert in education and political beliefs. Now you may be saying, “ What words will be in this book?” Good question, you’ll get all of the Jackson classics:
Indubitably
Magnanimously
Superfluously
Perturbently
Asynchronous
sex(not a big word but a classic..hehe)
And many, many more
So for all you college kids, there is a way to make it seems as if you have been doing something besides girls gone wild. For all you Floridians, there is a way you can make it. For all you white kids trying to get a job, well that a little impossible. Now you may be saying, “ how can this get any better?” We will through in the Jesse Jackson Dictionary on tape for free with one purchase of the book. For those of you who have impaired vision or you can’t pronounce words like Bush, the tape is for you.
Like this gift, try out Frank’s Race Card
[url=Hi I am Jayme Selman, founder and writer at Behind Enemy Headlines. As a writer I know how important it is to write with big words so you sound inferior to your readers. This is why I put together the biggest and best piece of literature money can buy, The Jesse Jackson Dictionary. For times like when you have a big term paper due and you don’t know what the heck is going on because you have been on spring break for a year. For times like when your applying for a job but you’re not a minority. For if you are a Floridian and have to take the Fcat, or if you live in any other state where you are required to take a dumbass test. This book has been tested and used by real life debaters on CNN. The Jesse Jackson dictionary takes you, the average American and makes you a expert in education and political beliefs. Now you may be saying, “ What words will be in this book?” Good question, you’ll get all of the Jackson classics:
Indubitably
Magnanimously
Superfluously
Perturbently
Asynchronous
And many, many more
So for all you college kids, there is a way to make it seems as if you have been doing something besides girls gone wild. For all you Floridians, there is a way you can make it. For all you white kids trying to get a job, well that a little impossible. Now you may be saying, “ how can this get any better?” We will through in the Jesse Jackson Dictionary on tape for free with one purchase of the book. For those of you who have impaired vision or you can’t pronounce words like Bush, the tape is for you.
Like this gift, try out Frank’s Race Card
[url=www.imao.us]imao.us[/url]
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| Bush and the WMD's |
| 02.12.04 (4:09 pm) [edit] |
BEEN so buisy, fixing the computer and the new site. Anyway I owe you guys so many post I started a week ago. Heres one right now:
“Hey Bush, how’s it going?”
“Yea hey Tenet, say how’s that WMD thing going?”
“Well we are still trying to decipher whether we made all this stuff about the war up or whether we paid someone to make it up.”
“Mr. President you have a phone call.”
“Thank you Susan..hello?”
“Ah Mr. Bush nice to talk to you again.”
“Sorry I don’t talk to wackos who disguise their voice.”
“Bush your phone is broken.”
“O yea I forgot about that, the only one I can recognize on this phone is Janet Reno, Hey wait how did you know that?”
“I know a lot of things Mr. Bush.”
“Oo Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a lollipop?”
“No. But I do know where you can find the WMD’s.”
“You do? Where! Where, Screamed Bush excitedly!
“You must go to the Alamo, in the basement of the Alamo. Now I must go Mr. Bush Goodbye.”
“Well I am off Laura, goin to the Alamo.”
“You mean the one bar you use to drink at?”
“No Laura, I think it’s the one with that Davy Crocket guy.”
*And so Bush left for The Alamo, yes the one with that Davy Crocket guy. Mean while in a small part of Florida sum miles away a riot broke loose.” The antichrist has risen up”, said Joe Lieberman. “A man so evil, he dares to make a Christian movie.” “His name is Mel Gibson.” “We must take him down!”
“But why?” said an innocent young voice. “Because he makes Jews look bad.” said Lieberman. “Wait, you Jewish?” said the voice. “Anyway we must boycott this movie about Christ.”
Anyway back to the story. Bush arrived with chomps the worlds angriest dog, I mean a U.N. inspector. So many of the U.N. men where very hairy anyway that it wasn’t that noticeable.
“Hi welcome to the Alamo Mr. Bush. Can we help you?”
“Yes I am on a mission to seek and destroy, where’s the basement of the Alamo?”
“Mr. Bush the Alamo doesn’t have a basement. And you have to get that dog out of here.”
“Ma’m that’s not a dog it’s a U.N. inspector.”
“Mr. Bush that’s just a dog with a hat on.”
*Chomps growled.”
“That’s a …..Hey wait the Alamo has no basement?” said an astonished Bush.
“You’ve just been punked,” said an all too familiar voice.
“Ah dangit it’s that Ashton Kootchar kid again,” said Bush
* Just then Chomps went wild and attacked the camera man*
“Dude this is awesome Bush got punked cause he thought there where WMD’s in the Alamo and the camera guy got punked cause he didn’t know that chomps would attack him. I’m Ashton Kootchar, I’m so cool!!”
“So there where really now WMD’s in the basement?” said Bush.
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| Rasta's return |
| 02.09.04 (7:06 pm) [edit] |
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For those of you wondering where Rasta has been, well I am always in your heart. But I have been working on the new website where all my children can come and rejoice. Plus my computer like crashed. But I fixed it. Sorta. Anyway I am very buisy workin on .COM and havn't had time. I will return to tblog very soon with great news about the uprising of the new site. It is now time for the revolution..come take place.
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| Joe Lovers |
| 02.05.04 (2:09 pm) [edit] |
Alright so Joe left right? Well we still love him anyway, some more then others.
Top 10 ways you can tell you are in love with Joe Lieberman:
1. You know who he is
2. You’re German but somehow he turns you on
3. You change your clothes over and over before watching him on hardball.
4. You stand by him despite the fact his infidelities embarrassed you in front of the entire...oh
Wait, wrong Democrat
5. You dance around the house singing, “ The Lieberman can.”
6. His talk about politics makes you get Goosebumps.
7. When he announced his candidacy, you didn't laugh your ass off
8. You still support him even though he doesn’t know all the states like Howard Dean does
9. You will vote for him even though he is Jewish
10. You’re not Joe's Moma.....haha(I love that one)
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| Rasta Explains |
| 02.05.04 (1:26 pm) [edit] |
You know my friend Garrett always wears a long sleeve hoodie. I always wondered why. It's really hot in Florida right now. I found out why:
![]() =http://img16.photobucket.com/...
[url=]http://boortz.com/nuze/index....[/url] ...thanks Neil
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| Rasta's World: Justin Timberlake |
| 02.03.04 (1:53 pm) [edit] |
“ Justin what happened?” “Yea, what where you guys thinking?” That is what dozens of reporters where screaming. What was Justin thinking when he groped Janet Jackson? Did Ah-nold put him up to it? All I know is he brings a new meaning to the saying “boob tube.” Whatever the reason was Justin didn’t seem to care, he climbed in his bed for a good night sleep, or so he thought. “ And the Grammy goes to..” “Who’s there?” said Justin. “ It’s just me, Joey from Nsync, I come here to tell you that you are N- trouble.” “ Hey man we where just having fun on stage” said Justin. “ Look Justin I don’t like the way your life is heading, that’s why I am sending three ghost to see you tonight.” “Look dawg I don’t need any help, hey wait Joey, where did you go?” Justin went back to sleep but only for a few minutes, he was awaken by the first ghost. “ R. Kelly dawg what are you doing in my room?” “ Don’t worry Justin I like little girls, anyway I am here to show you your past.”-BOOM- “Alright there you are, Justin at age 18 with your family, your just some dumb 18 year old who signed with a big company and got screwed money wise.” “ Those where the happy days.” Said Justin. “ Then you started listing to rap music and you changed.” “Yea I got involved with the gangster stuff when I left Nsync.” “ See Justin when you left Nsync some fans couldn’t take it, some killed themselves.” “ Nooo0o0o.” screamed Justin. “ I’m sorry Justin but that girl who is now killing herself can’t here you. Come Justin there is no more to see.” Justin woke up drenched in sweat it was now 11pm, time for the second ghost. “ Who are you?” asked a confused Timberlake. “ I am that guy from New kids on the block.” “ New kids on the block?” “ Exactly what people will be saying about you if you don’t change your lifestyle Justin.” “ Lets look into your present life Justin.” “ Let’s see, you party hard in the club, you drink excessively, you think your black, you play crappy music.” “Yes I do party hard, he wait I don’t play crappy music.” “ Justin your solo CD sucked.” “ Wow I really am a jerk and a pervert, but wait what comes next?” Just as Justin asked the question everything went black. He woke up for the last time, it was now 12pm and the last ghost arrived. “ Who is it now?” “ Hi Justin I am from the FCC, I will be showing you the future, come with me.”
“ Whose house is that?” asked Justin eagerly. “ This is yours Mr. Timberlake, step inside.” “ Hey who is that really fat guy sitting on the couch?” “ Justin this is you in the future. See when you pulled that stunt with Janet all your fans left you and started lisiting to Michael Bolton. And you decided to quit music and become really fat.” “WHAT!!” “ Your whole life goes down the drain because of this one move you made.” "Can’t I change? I will stop!” “Sorry Justin, your screwed. Bye.”
Justin woke up scared, as ever, was this a dream or a vision of things to come….
TO CONTINUE
By the way I am running a new thing, when I do a big post like this I will link one sponsor every post. Here what you have to do, put my link on your site and try and get people to come to beh using that link. Whoever gets the most will be a sponser and have their blog name, link and detail about them put at the beginning off my big post. Great advertisement folks.
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| Jayson Blair teaches the kids |
| 02.01.04 (6:11 pm) [edit] |
Now with the death of Characters and shows like Mr. Rodgers and Captain Kangaroo I wonder who will be the next kid’s entertainer. Now the “wiggles” are among kid shows but those guys are British so in a year America will stop liking them. In my vision I know the person that your children will be watching everyday: Jayson Blair. Now if you haven’t heard of Jayson he is well was a writer from NY post, who got fired for making up 36 out of 73 articles up. Now you may say, “ Why him.” It’ because American children must be taken over somehow. Anyway I got a transcript:
Well hey their kids its time for everyone’s favorite show The Jayson Blair and American kids show. Now today we are going through some letters from the alphabet. Today’s letter “A” as in assassinate, or aliens, or atomic bombs. Can you say “W” as in white house, or welfare, or weapons of mass destruction? Now kids you’re parents may remember me as the guy who exposed the truth in the media but I’m not about that anymore I’m about teaching kids. Remember the government is putting things in your water. Remember your syllables: F before U only befor using the word America. O o it’s that mean MR Uncle Sam. What do we do when we see him coming kids? “ Run away.” That’s right kids he may try and draft you in a war that is the president’s fault. Well where about out of time remember the keep reading kids (between the lines).
[i]O..He’s Jayson Blair, your kid’s favorite show
He got fired from NY times cause he was a foe
He made to many articles up you see
But now he teaches your son how to write and read
He’ll do his best
To make your kids hate the U.S.
You’ll watch his show, you can’t resist.
Jayson will make your kid a communist.[/i]
Well what do you think?
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| A Random Rasta Idea |
| 02.01.04 (7:39 am) [edit] |
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Congress was informed recently that the deflict will reach 477 million this next year. WOW. Now in my opinion we need to do more then just cut programs, we need to combine some. So Jayme says we should take the " no child left behind" program and combine it with Mad Cow crisis. The result: Kid required to test meat in school.
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Jayme Selman(thats me)
What Sam Adams said about Rasta:
"You win the Award for the Best Wit on Tblog ..."
Jayme is an accomplished asshole as well as the writer of behind enemy headlines and producer of "Affirmative Anger"
AND THE CRITICS SAY:
"This is seriously @#$%*& UP, have you considered therapy? "
-LILPOETGIRL
"Your stories are a trip! Who knew politics could be so entertaining?"
-OoLostEntity
Rasta ... what can i say, you're simply talented beyond words!
Keep up the great work !
- progressive
Rasta you have a very creative mind which is cool i hate all cut and paste post's.......your are far from that
I'm never let down by the humor of your blog... thats a compliment lol.
Trama! I was laughing at this! In the sick way that I laugh at SouthPark because it is sooo WRONG but SOOOO funny!! Kara
Perfect. Cant imagine anything better or funnier. I swear I sit hear with my laptop computer just reading along and suddenly laughing out loud, getting strange looks from my family and pets! Much needed stress reliever. I can picture Shrub, Condie and Rummie really saying this stuff. It is so weird, and so are they!!! Next stop.... send it to The Onion! http://www.theonion.com/
People I like:
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